We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize