Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
