see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
