so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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