I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
