How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
