i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
