You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
