Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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