I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
