I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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