New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
