just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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