wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
