i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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