I am puke
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
