Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
