remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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