It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
