if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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