I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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