The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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