1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
