Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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