The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
