If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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