I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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