somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
