he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
