im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
