when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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