DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
