Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
