don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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