so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize