Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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