He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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