For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
