Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
