In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
