I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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