You really coming over, don't trick.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
