the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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