At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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