I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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