I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
