i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
two words...techno handjob
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
