You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
