he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize