You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize