I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
how does that bad decision feel?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
