Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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