I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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