I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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