While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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