All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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