I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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