yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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