My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
