just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
