I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
