Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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