Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
