i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
