she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
