Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
