hotel room ftw
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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