I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
